Meeting Three: Losses & Gains: The Need to Be a Loss Expert
Each child that goes into a foster home experiences a huge loss of loved ones (regardless of the negative situation they are removed from) and a loss of their lifestyle/routines.
Stages of Grieving:
*Shock/Denial
*Anger
*Bargaining
*Despair/Depression
*Acceptance/Understanding
Psychological Tasks of Grieving:
*Understanding
*Grieving
*Commemorating
*Going On
Signs of Loss, Abuse, or Neglect:
Infant (up to 3 months):
*Does not cry or cries very weakly
*Cries at a very high pitch
*Screams all the time
*Does not react to pain, noise, lights, or attention
*Has trouble breathing (noisy, raspy, or gurgling sounds)
*Has a hard time sucking, eating, swallowing
*Vomits frequently and has a hard time keeping food down
*Eyes are often red or watery
*Does not lie in different positions at six months
3-6 Months:
*Rocks constantly in corner or crib
*Does not smile when familiar people approach
*Bumps head on pillow while trying to get to sleep
*Always bumping into things
*Squints to see things, holds objects close to the eyes or doesn't try to reach for objects
*Rocks back and forth for a long time while waving fingers in front of eyes
*Sleeps for a very long time
*At 6 months, is still cross-eyed, rolls the eyes around or does not follow things with both eyes.
6-9 Months:
*Does not turn toward sounds
*Has earaches and shows this by crying and putting hands near ears (possible runny fluid coming from the ears)
*Cannot focus on caretaker's eyes
*Often has a high temperature
*Has skin rashes often
*At 6 months, does not hold head steady when supported
*At 9 months cannot balance head
*At 9 months cannot pick up small objects
*At 9 months, does not vocalize with expression
12 - 18 Months:
*At one year of age, never points to anything or responds to people or toys.
*Has trouble controlling arms and legs
*Falls often, walks poorly or can't walk at all by 22 months
*Holds one hand at side and never uses it for picking up or holding toys
*Has stiff arms, legs, or neck
*Drools all of the time
*May sleep often during the day
*Shows signs of seizures - often faints, wets and soils pants even though toilet trained, lies on the floor with arms and legs stiff, then jerks arms and legs around with back arched, then sleeps dreamily.
*Has many skin rashes, lumps, or sores
18-24 Months:
*Refuses to eat for three or more days
*Coughs constantly
*Has continual diarrhea
*Is usually pale and skin is cold
*Suddenly becomes dizzy, vomits, sleeps, or has a hradache
*Squints or holds objects close to see them
*Rolls eyes around, is cross-eyed or doesn't use both eyes to follow objects
*Doesn't point to, wave back to or imitate others
*Doesn't look at colorful, eye-catching objects
*Often waves fingers in front of eyes
*Often rubs eyes
*Does not react to sudden loud sounds
2 - 2 1/2 Years:
*Complains of itching/burning eyes or of seeing double
*Frequently complains of headaches or dizziness
*Has many earaches (or fluid coming from the ears)
*Has little voice control
*Bumps head on pillow to go to sleep
*Does not walk or talk by three years of age
*Has trouble understanding or remembering simple direction
*Does not respond to simple questions or directions
2 1/2 - 3 Years:
*Has trouble doing many skills that require hand-eye coordination (ex: Scribbling with a crayon)
*Does not enjoy being held or touched
*Does not know body parts
*Often hurts own self by hitting or biting
*Rocks back and forth for long periods of time
*Does the same movement over and over, such as waving arms and legs
*Says the same thing over and over, or only repeats words after hearing them from another person
3 - 4 Years:
*At three or four years of age, cannot run, jump, or balance on one foot
*Does not play with other children and prefers to be alone in the corner or in bed
*Cannot throw or kick a ball
5- 6 Years:
*Is overweight/underweight
*Has consistent bad breath and a severe sore throat
*Has an injury that leads to dizziness, vomiting, headache, or sleepiness
*Is not able to objects or books clearly
*Complains of frequent headaches or dizziness
*Has frequent sties or other irritations
*Complains of eyes that burn, itch, swell, or water
*Squints or rubs eyes often
*Is easily distracted
*Asks for words to be repeated or stays near you and frequently watches your lips when you speak
*Speaks very little and uses only a few words
*Has frequent earaches
6 - 7 Years:
*Leans toward a sound or requires voices or music to be louder than normal
*Does not come when called, does not follow directrions
*Appears confused or frustrated when asked to try something new
*Cannot dress self
*Cannot identify shapes or colors
*Cannot follow simple rules or directions
*By seven, cannot print own name
*By seven, cannot count from 1-100
*Needs to have new ideas repeated often and in many different ways
*Fights often with other children
*Is usually shy or withdrawn
*Fears new experiences and people
*Is unable to handle changes
*Is often depressed and unhappy
*Is unable to receive or show affection
*Refuses to eat for a long period of time
*Lies, cheats, or steals frequently
*Is constantly negative about self, school, day care, or home
The Adolescent
*Misses school on a regular basis but is not ill
*Has not developed signs of puberty by age 16
*At age 16, is markedly shorter than peers
*Is very quick to show anger and has a violent temper
*Stays away from home for days at a time without word of whereabouts
*Is frequently disciplined at school for misbeahvior
*Has been arrested
*Stays alone most of the time
*Has few friends
*Has poor relationships with peers
*Has no appetite or prolonged loss of appetite
*Is generally sluggish and has little energy
*Often seems depressed
*Repeatedly comes home drunk or high
*Daydreams, does not appear to hear or understand questions, has short-term memory loss or appears confused frequently
* Female shows sudden weight gain, is sluggish, vomits, and sleeps a great deal
*Is frequently sick
*Appears to be bright but usually has great difficulty with tasks involving academic skills (like reading, writing, math)
*Drops out of school
*Breaks the law
*Engages in many sexual relationships with many different partners
*Engages in assaultive behaviors
*Exhibits unusually poor ability to relate to adults
*Engages in self-mutilation (like scratching self with instruments or fingernails, picking at scabs to prevent healing)
*Has made suicidal gestures or attempts
*Exhibits exaggerated response to being torched - may react with fear or aggressiveness to touch whether it is playful, supportive, or restraining
Lesson #5: There are many possible symptoms of loss in foster children. Know what signs to look for and create a Life Book for them. (Explained in the next blog.)
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