We finally have our training certificates from the Children's Home Society of Florida! We still are not licensed foster parents (that takes place after the home study and further interviews), but we're enjoying the completion of the course!
The final class was my favorite. There were a number of guest speakers that taught us so much. First there was a couple with their 12-year-old biological daughter named Natalie and the cutest 2-year-old boy (of a different race) named JoeVernon. They were explaining that in the next couple of weeks, JoeVernon will become their legal child. (It scares me to think that the foster parents can decide to keep him even one day before the adoption is finalized!) The mother was encouraging all of us with the process and gave an example of some difficulties that may arise. She said that during the weekend visitations with JoeVernon, they would be having a lot of fun and all of a sudden he would begin crying (and hard). She was explaining that these children have been through so much and may cry without even realizing why. The mother encouraged us to be patient and to never feel like it is our fault or feel like it's because we aren't the "real parents" and don't know exactly what to do. Just comfort the child as best as you can and know it will pass. The new home is usually the best environment the child has ever experienced.
There were also a number of foster mothers who spoke to us about an awesome group they are a part of. It's called the South Dade Foster & Adoptive Parent Association. (www.sdfapa.org) It's a support group that meets every two months with an annual fee of $15 (or $25 per couple). Not only are they there to share experiences (good or bad) but also as advocates for a better foster/adoption system in our city. They have already improved so many "kinks" in the process and they continually have things they're working on fixing.
One of the group's leaders began sharing some of her experiences with fostering. She explained that she took the MAPP training course 5 years ago with an intent to "foster to adopt". She said that the agency first contacted her asking that she and her husband rush to the hospital to take home a newborn boy. The baby's other three siblings were all adopted into separate homes, so they were hopeful to adopt this infant. They named the child after her husband's grandfather and five days later sent their biological son to kindergarten with a picture of his new brother. Before their son came home from school, the agency contacted the family and said that the baby had a great-uncle in Georgia who wanted custody of the child. The baby was taken away after five days of care. The foster parents were devastated! They had an instant parental bond with the baby and went through a long process of mourning their loss.
Here are some of the important things that we learned from the awesome foster parents:
-Only help one family at a time (even though the agencies will want you to house children from multiple families). With all of the court dates, family visits, and doctors appointments, you do not want to double or triple your schedule.
-Bond with the child as a loving aunt or uncle figure. Do not view the child as yours until there is an actual "termination of parental rights".
-No matter what you go through, there is someone in the South Dade Foster & Adoptive Parent Association that has experienced the exact same thing and can provide solutions.
-If you foster a child and later he or she returns to the biological family, don't rush into fostering another child immediately. Give yourself some time to accept the loss and experience the normal emotions that go along with it.
Lesson #10: There's definitely a long process, but it's for the children in need. And there are plenty of them. There is no one else there for them...willing to give them a chance and show them that they're worth it. MANY people are qualified, few will commit.
